Friday, July 25, 2008

Kate is gone!

Not only is our beloved Kate gone, all the food she left behind is also gone. Also, she took fatty with her. I recently was able to stop crying for a few minutes, so I thought I would try and express myself through the art of writing. And while I'm at it, an update of popular Washington DC landmarks!

The World of Beer: Alright, so I know you probably haven't heard of this place if you're not from here, but that makes it all the more exciting for me, as I get to be the first to tell you. Their beer list is OUT of control. There are beers from everywhere in the world (only one from Oregon, which I find more than a little disturbing, but I got past that), and Jalapeno poppers that defy description. Also, it's right down the street from our venue. Hells yeah.

Capitol Building: Now as those of you who passed 5th grade history know, our government is divided into three parts. The executive branch, the legislative branch, and the judicial branch, the legislative branch being the one designed to be the closest and most accountable to the people. That said, the Capitol building is remarkable inaccessible. It's surrounded by fences and once you find your way through them, you still can't get in unless you're with a tour. I don't know how you get to be a part of these tours, but there was no place to sign up nearby. I was not impressed. I would write to my congressman, but the letter would probably be censored, so I won't bother.

Supreme Court Building: A lovely building, if a little small. Multiple entrances, fun stuff on the inside, and like three guards throughout the entire place. Amazing. Little known fact, the building was a pet project of Chief Justice William Howard Taft, of presidential fame. Not only is Taft the only person to be the head of two branches of the federal government, he spent his free time lobbying congress for his own building. With all the clout that comes with his two positions, I'll bet they let him right in without a tour guide.

Library of Congress: I've been to the Library of Congress (the largest library in the world or something like that) twice now, and the only books I've seen are two of the original Gutenburg bibles, and Jefferson's library, which you are only allowed to look at, not touch. I honestly don't know where they are hiding this enormous library I hear talk of, but they're doing a fantastic job. Maybe it's to keep up the mystique, like if just anyone were able to go into the library and see just how few books were really there, then the terrorists would win?

National Gallery: I saw a drawing in this museum that, I swear to God, was two inches wide by one inch high. Some guy named Rembrandt really put one over on those folks. I gained a new appreciation for Mr. Bean's opening of his discourse on Whistler's Mother. "First of all, it's very big. If it were small, you know, microscopic, no one would be able to see it." That said, it's an incredible building, with enough truly wonderful paintings to keep a person busy for weeks. Then again, I'm an actor, so I'm pretty impressed with little more than bright colors.

Air and Space Museum: I didn't bother to go to this one. I know quite a bit about air, having grown up around it most of my life, and what I know about space is that it is nothingness. Nothing at all. Also, both of these things are INVISIBLE. Why they would put them in a museum is beyond me.

Update on our performances: We've had lovely crowds our last two performances, the first of the two largely thanks to Abby's parents, who clearly missed their callings as marketing executives. We haven't gotten any more feedback in print, but we have heard some nice things from eavesdropping on the audience as they leave (our dressing room is perfectly positioned to hear the first things people say when they think they're out of earshot of the actors).

So now we have four more days and one more performance in the DC area, then we're off to LONDON! Ontario. London, Ontario. However, there is a 50% chance that we will be performing in the western part of the city, thus making our west end debut. And on our first international tour too. Wow.

In random news, we also met a hobo outside of a restaurant in DC who, after demonstrating his poetic prowess by reciting one of his own poems, proceeded to rattle off, in its entirety, "Casey at the Bat." I hadn't heard it since I was a wee little lad, so that kind of made my night...or maybe it was the pomegranitinis, which are exactly what they sound like.

Other Wittie sightings to report: Ajay Abraham, Roman Goerss, Stephen Carter, Matt Bennett, and Andrew Propp, who took what I am told are some wonderful photographs of us. Thanks Andrew.

I will leave you with a quote of the day: "I don't know what gave me the shriveled soul of a fifty-year-old bitch, but it makes it really hard to enjoy a sunset." -Redhead who shall remain nameless

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Monday, July 21, 2008

Kate must not leave us

We are brain-storming ways to make her stay. They are secret plans...so I cannot tell you...Kate, I know you are reading this...don't think anything of it. If you are not Kate and you have any ideas, let me know and SOON! Pookie don't leave me!!!!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

On to the next adventure

Last night was my last performance with the company. I am very happy to have been a part of this great show but, as I hear from the impromptu rehearsal in the other room, I have no doubt the show will indeed go on and be great after I am gone. What I will miss is just kicking it with my talented and lovely peer group. They are the kind of people who will clean blood out of your shoe at 1am, carry on a pleasant conversation with you while they puke in a field, light off fireworks on a national holiday other than your own, dress up as your arch nemesis, introduce you to girltalk and drive you to the hospital...twice? Please, Lisa?

Thursday, July 17, 2008

We Made It!

That's right folks, we have hit the big time. Feel free to start selling your stories about us to the National Enquirer, and go ahead and drop our names at high-fallootin' cocktail parties, because we. are. famous.

How do you know, you might ask? As fame is such a relative term, how can you definitively say...I'm gonna stop you right there and just tell you. We were written up in The Onion. Fuckin. Right. For you west coasters who have never seen a skyscraper before, I should clue you in to the fact that here in DC, as well as in Chicago and New York and some other cities as well, the popular satirical online newspaper actually has a print edition. This print edition features local listings for things like theatrical performances, and there we are, On The Sly, and just below it, it says "Just when you thought the world of theater had given up on modern adaptations of Shakespeare... oh wait, nobody has ever thought that." Needless to say, I'm going in tomorrow to get a suit tailored for when I meet Barbara Walters...should be any day now. Booya.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Much News!

Oh my gosh, Washington DC is FULL of adventure! A few of us spent the day yesterday going to every monument we could and being as touristy as possible (pretty easy here it turns out, you could spend weeks doing it), so for all of you devoted blog reader, a return to our classic form. A list of famous buildings we saw yesterday.

The White House: That's right, we started big. As we approached the north side (lesser known, facing away from the Washington Monument), there were several aging hippies blasting peace-loving songs and displaying large pieces of cardboard with writing on them explaining why George W Bush is going to hell. Encouraged by the music (and dare I say, the onlookers?) two squirrels were definitely doing sex on the north lawn of the White House. Like seriously doing sex. It just might have been the highlight of this entire summer. We then walked around to get a look at the South side, and we got yelled at by a guard for not staying on the sidewalk. Luckily the Secret Service stopped shooting before too long, but I'm pretty sure we are now on some sort of watch list. So to the agent assigned to reading this blog, tell your superiors I'm sorry and I'll try to stay off the grass next time.

Dwight David Eisenhower Executive Building (known on the West Wing as the OEOB, or Old Executive Office Building): Let's just say that for all the responsibility the Vice President doesn't have, he gets a pretty badass building in which to do it.

Washington Monument: If I were our nations first president, I would be proud to have one of the world's largest and most unabashed phallic symbols commemorating my life. I'm still not entirely sure why Washington got a monument and everyone else gets memorials, but there you are.

World War II Memorial, Vietnam Memorial, Korean War Memorial: These get way more intense the darker it is outside, I recommend if you're planning to go to them, aim to hit them at sundown or just after.

Lincoln Memorial: You know, no one really talks about this part of Lincoln, but his speeches were actually really good. And there they are, carved up on the wall of his memorial. Also, the dude was enormous; it needed to be said.

Roosevelt Memorial: Easily the most difficult to find of all the memorials, but well worth the many adventures it took to get there. Waterfalls and inspirational quotes and a larger-than-life statue of a Scotty Dogg. Ohhhhh puppy!

Jefferson Memorial: Another one that takes some adventuring to get to. We walked past a sign that said "Authorized Vehicles Only," but we're hardcore and some of our group had just come out of the spy museum, so we walked through. No big deal. Anyway, it turns out Jefferson was actually not a bad writer either. Who knew?

National Portrait Gallery: All the Smithsonian museums are free, which is approaching the price I'm willing to pay to go into most of them. They're almost there. However, I splurged and went to the National Portrait Gallery today; the art is all well and good, but don't forget to walk into the inner courtyard. Beth decided she was going to build one just like it when she is a disgustingly wealthy actress so she can live in it. Hooray!

National Spy Museum: I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

In other news, I saw a show tonight featuring Dadaist clowns. I'm still not sure what in the hell Dadaism is all about, but it sounds like one of those things that's supposed to be capitalized, so I guess that's something right? Also, anytime you can find something to put in a show that makes people say, "well I really liked the parts where it was just clown stuff," kudos to you. Anyway, the show was pretty good, despite most of it going quite over my head I'm sure, so if you happen to be in the DC area, the show is called Manifesto, and I recommend it.

That's all for now, it's late and I must to bed, so I shall leave you with another list.

Number of rounds of drinks bought for our cast: 2 more than last time, I've lost track
New Favorite Drink: The Ajay Surprise. Trust me, it's actually a drink, this is not a dirty joke.
Percentage of us now in favor of acquiring a company cat: 100! KITTY!
Number of company cats acquired: 0. So far.
Number of performances until Kate leaves us: 2. Frowny face.
Number of performances before Lisa joins us: 2! Smiley face!

Monday, July 14, 2008

What is no one likes balloons?

Well it's been a pretty good few days in Washington DC. We've had two fairly well-attended shows, two good reviews, and a whole bunch of postcards handed out. However, as I am not one to dwell on the positive, I must say that for as cool as helium balloons with our title and logo are, there are very few people who will take one. I stood outside our venue yesterday and watched as Abby went from passively offering to energetically begging people to take a freaking balloon. Some people must really hate childhood.

That said, I must get back to my northwestern roots a little bit and talk about how weird everyone on the east coast drives. First of all, despite what some in our cast will tell you, easterners don't use their turn signals. Ever. Either that or they see the California license plate on our car and decide that going 75 on a freeway at night is the best time to get some revenge for the South Beach Diet. Either way, they go unpunished, which is just as well, because both the easterners with no regard for their blindspot and us westerners who are caught unawares are consistently driving at least 20 miles per hour over the posted speed limit. Not that we're reckless mind you, it's just that we come from a part of the country where a 55 mph speed limit means you go 60, 65 at the very most, beyond that, you'll get a ticket. Here, on the other hand, 55 mph means that if you don't drive between 75 and 80 mph, you'll probably get rear-ended, and something tells me that any judge would say it's your fault.

Our lovely house in Lorton, Virginia has also enabled us to catch up on our television watching. This means lots of Daily Show and Colbert Report, but also a new obsession of most of our cast, Jeoprady. It turns out we feel really good about ourselves when we can answer entire categories, as long as they're about movies or broadway musicals or, oddly enough, Russian history. And someone might have a little bit of a crush on Alex Trebec. I won't name any names, but it's Lisa.

Anyway, I must be off now, maybe I'll post again when we have some actual news to report. Until then.

The Washington Post knows we exist!

Now I realize that I am more excited about this than perhaps I should be, but the Washington Post has given us a mostly positive three-sentence paragraph in an article reviewing some shows from the Fringe. Understand that to me, this means that we are practically in All The President's Men, and Robert Redford will shortly be having tea with us.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Lisa Lies For Fun

Lisa was lying--we are not going to be better at posting. She said this to intentionally mislead you. You. Reading this. Now.

DC is a giant steam room

No really, all of us West Coasters are melting. Abby says, "This is nothing. Be greatful for the breeze!" That was not comforting.
That said, an update: besides the heat, delayed metro, and expensive cab ride to our venue, the cast made it onstage to greet a lovely audience. Our openning in DC was a smash if not a grand aventure. Then we all split off to visit friends, family, or die in the heat "postering" (we actually just ducked in and out of places with air conditioning and put up very few posters).
Today is a new day and we have a whole new strategy of advertising; balloons and t-shirts. Nothing says "come to our show" like a group of people all wearing matching shirts (thanks dad) holding red balloons! So if you see us out there, we may give you a balloon in exchange for your interest in our show. COME SEE OUR SHOW! We are playing tonight at 7:30pm. We'll be there (no metro delay can hold us back), so should you. That said, our hosts are wonderful. You will all be happy to know that Abby's parents have been taking great care of your children and friends (I am assuming that is who is reading this). We all are sleeping in beds and eating healthy meals that do not have a trace of ramen in them! The view from their porch is beautiful. We are on a river. And those of us who take walks are in luck because we are right next to a wildlife refuge. Ok, Abby needs the computer. We'll be better at posting. I swear.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Reunited

In the words of the Muppets:
Together again
Gee, it's good to be together again
I just can't imagine that you've ever been gone!
It's not starting over, it's just going on!
Together again
Now we're here and there's no need remembering when
Cause no feeling feels like that feeling!
Together-a!
Together-a!
Together-a!
Together again....!
Together again!!

That's right, friends. FWP is reunited in DC! Woot!

I saw August: Osage County.

I saw August: Osage County.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Long overdue...

My goodness friends, what have you been doing without blog updates for days and days? Crying? I thought so. But worry not, for I come bearing news. So without further ado...

After Wakefield, I spent a few days in Vermont with Ms. Lynch and her most lovely aunt and uncle. It was delightful, we went canoeing.

Now I am in a house in Long Island with one Evan Cartwright, enjoying the strange summer weather of New York. The house belongs to some friends of Evan's sister, and they are proving to be most hospitable. Thanks friends.

We've spent the last two days running around the city, trying to see August Osage County, but it's always sold out. The good news, however, is that we did see Passing Strange, and it was fantastic, if you're in New York before it closes, go see it, it's great.

Evan and I also caught up with one Dru Johnston and one Sarah McCarthy, who are doing very well in case you're interested. Last night we all went to this strange little bar in Brooklyn that Rohan Flinn works at, and we pretty much doubled the amount of customers they had. That was fun. Rohan also remains well for those that are interested.

Tomorrow we are off to DC for our next fringe festival; we have 5 performances in 2 weeks, so that should leave us lots of time for adventuring around and making lovely new stories to tell you all, but now I must catch a train into town. Don't forget to drunk dial us. Cheers!

-Forrest

Thursday, July 3, 2008

A total eclipse of the heart...

As this week we are on a break from performing, I spent 22 hours of travel and am now in Island Park, Idaho. And I just have to say, I miss the rest of FWP already!
You guys rock my party. Enjoy the break! I'll catch y'all in DC on the 8th :)